10:18

Today is the day!  We’re starting the meds today to quit smoking… hopefully two weeks from today I will be a quitter!

 Never thought I’d want to be a quitter lol.

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Teresa’s funeral was yesterday… it was a really nice service. i was very impressed with the amount of people that showed up. i remember at daddy’s funeral it made me feel good to know so many people cared. of course, i didn’t even remember the people being there, i just later saw the sign in sheet and saw the number of people there…

i do miss daddy.. seems like it was just yesterday.. i wish he could see my little girl.. she would have loved him so much.. and he her.. damn this is making my heart hurt.. i gotta work for a while…

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burning a cd for Teresa’s funeral this afternoon…… god she was a brave beautiful soul..

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i will be making most everything in my house and now that i’ve put an actual design into action with my office i know that i have good ideas.  sounds ridiculous i know, but i’ve always had a problem with having confidence in my own ideas.  now occasionally i get small scale ideas and have no problem making them happen.  but i do have this healthy fear of failure.  it affects everything i do and i’ve really just managed to live around it all these years.  but with the upcoming house space, i will be at the base of every thing that happens in there.  my decision, my style, my taste… woe to the one who tries to stop me…

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setting up twitter

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Your Linguistic Profile:

45% General American English35% Dixie5% Midwestern 5% Upper Midwestern 5% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

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it’s 12:49 am and i’m just way too tired to be writing anything.   but… i had to get this shit fixed before i could think about sleeping.  i needed a place to talk, to share, to combine… there are so many sides to me that i feel like each of them get ignored when i focus one site on one thing… so this is where i’m going to combine everything.. an eclectic disaster i’m sure..  but so be it.. if you don’t like it.. lump it.. i also have no intentions of shielding anyone from any thoughts i have… readers beware..

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I know I haven’t posted in a long while, but it seems like I’m overwhelmed by the fact that I *havent* posted and in order to post.. I need to catch everyone up..

Instead of doing that, I’m just going to start to day. I’ll go back and fill in the blanks later.

Today is my last real day in Dallas, in my apartment.. my home. My company decided after the fact to not pay my maternity leave and leave me homeless. I have a 4 week old baby, I’m homeless, and totally dependent on MY parents again. Lovely huh?

So I’ve been packing since Tuesday, which is no easy accomplishment with a newborn. I feed her, change her, and get her to sleep…. then I clean and pack like mad for the amount of time I can. That’s also the time I have to shower, eat, and take care of myself… and sleep.

Let’s not forget during that time I also have to wash her clothes, wash and boil her bottles, make new bottles and take out trash.

I so admire new mothers now.. they do so much more than anyone realizes. And in SO little time..

There are also two or three times a day that you feed (feedings are every 4 hours) and then she’s awake… my baby is heavenly.. she’s a good good natured child.. rarely fusses, rarely cries.. unless something is REALLY wrong (ie: dirty diaper or hungry). She’s not used to the apartment though, she requires more attention here than she does at my mom’s.

When she’s awake, I put her in her bouncy/vibrating seat… she’s good to go… SO LONG AS she can see me. Which means, I can work right next to her. But don’t think I can walk into the other room and accomplish anything lol.. a couple minutes and she’s lettin me know I’m not visible..

She doesn’t DO this at mom’s house.. I can be in any room and she’s good to go where ever I have her sitting.. It’s ok though, cuz we won’t be stayin here.. and if we were she would eventually get used to the place.. It has taught me a good lesson though.. I need to start taking her out to the office daily to get her used to it.. so that when tax season hits.. she’ll be ready.

Anyhow… back to packing.. I just needed a quick break.

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If I found out today that I were dying…

I would rush out and buy all of the decorations I needed in order to have a birthday party, a christmas party, a sweet 16 party, a graduation party, a wedding shower, and a baby shower…

I would take pictures for my baby to have at every birthday, and all the other important moments in her life..

I would take hundreds of pictures of me with her, with mom, with wayna, and terry… pictures for her to have later so that she could know me through them..

I would write letters for her to have and read at all of those same occassions..

And this is what watching lifetime movies does to you eh?

I have the most precious baby ever. She’s so bloody good natured, she loves to play and to be played with.. she’s got this brilliant smile that makes you feel as if you’ve just seen a miracle every time she flashes it at you. She giggles and squeals and hums out a conversation. She’s been talking since March. She was five months old when she first said ‘mama’ and a week later she was saying ‘nana’.. she’s said ‘pa’ for mom and also ‘bye bye’.. but I haven’t heard those yet.

God I love her. I am amazed by her and in awe of her and everything she does. I am so so blessed to have her in my life.

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I absolutely love watching It’s A Big World, Snook with his song at end and beginning just can’t be beat.

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